twice

in the wake of an appearance

of success

and failure

I lie to myself and you

so I thought

without a word

from the man beside me

as he sleeps

I wonder

will this ever end

the insanity

patterns patterns everywhere

here and there

I wait

and wonder

will he know me the next day

and the next

against the pillow

and the yellow orange walls

with the hanging green plants.

I thought maybe you knew about me

before hand

but you didnt

and I thought I knew about you

anyways, anyways

looking, looking breathlessly

over my shoulder I caught a glance

of brown hair against a blue sky

your heart shone

your body hard

your neck soft

my legs open to your touch

and a breeze blew through the window

or was it the door

and a candle flickered.

and it was too late

for anything more

than that

about us

or about anything

I thought I knew

when you didnt come home

that you were there

with me

and I thought you knew

when I was on the beach

that I would try to surf

that time, in Costa Rica

then the rain came falling down

and I stopped listening

to the drips the drops the splashing sound

of my voice

echoing in your ear

dont miss me

I left you long ago

so anatomically correct

so perfect

and that was why I chose you

to love me the way you did

and then you stopped

and I panicked

like before

a few times before

when my needs werent met

what a thing to say

did I chose this or did you

I dont know

I think it was you

dont wait for me

because im running

running from somthing that caught me once

and as I ramble on

Im not laughing anymore

and this time I want things to be different

to be more real maybe

to be clearer, than you.

please dont go

I wont separate myself this time I promise

and I wont take yes

as you didnt take no for an answer

shrouded in rackets

yet again.

yet again I wait for something that wont be there

yet again I wait for someone who wont show up

And as I create the future and the man next to me talks about his child

I am alone

shrouded in mystery

Closed in closure

until I open up to you

again

like the last time

why didnt you wait

for me

when I asked you to

and why dont you act like you said you would

some part of you to show through

I kept on waiting

and finally you showed up

without me though

yellow like the sun

you drank too much they said

or it didnt matter what they said

it was only shit talk anyway

I have to be there for him

my son

and when I come out the other side

he will be waiting for me at the end

Love you sweetie

sleep tight

tonight

something so big, that I gasp

I looked, I peeked

I waited for this, and waited

steps

step one step two  step red step blue

and there you waited at the end of the line

for me on the other side

with a smile

Crash into me

what does that mean anyways

being so close

like we cant get closer

I stole that look

dont think you created it

love you.

that you didnt hear before

quest ce que  je faite

qu tu naime pas before

nunca me fuis

nunca me beso

nunca y nada

y nada mas

a la puissance

times 10

thinking of something else

while I write this

a pain arises

in my heart

from knowing…..

that you fell away

and gave up

something that I saw

was stood for

listening to coldplay

but not really HEARING IT

yikes.

ha

I laugh at myself

Because im so funny

or is that just Bruce?

maybe.